(or How Sadistic Fashion Designers turned a Familial Festive Punishment into a "Desirable" Object for the Incurably Trendy)
And lo the child did feel the Christmas parcel with dread and he knew it was soft. The child's feelings of horror did fill his very soul. For he knew that this was a knitted Christmas jumper his grandmother had made. He knew that he must weareth this garment as if he were a medieval monk burdened with a cilice or hair shirt. Worse still, these garments did bear revolting images of the festive season designed to inflict their jolliness on the rest of us. The boy did feelith like the village idiot, marked out by this curse, his chest bearing a stupid looking reindeer or images of Christmas trees that looked like the graphics from a ZX Spectrum computer game. A feeling of guilt would force the poor boy to wear this burden throughout the day, although it did mortify his tender skin and near garrotte his infantile throat.
